Jedanaesti ciklus - Dvadeset i šesti

Osim što se dvadesetšesti piše zajedno, ovo je priča na kojoj još uvek radim: Za sad je naslov Crni Panter iako je radni naslov GejPanter

Crni panter

Budim se iz košmara. Skidam ulepljenu majicu i nogama guram frotirski pokrivač. Praćaknem se iskočim iz postelje. Iza mene ostaje izgužvano polje snova. Teturam kroz polumrak. Kao da napuštam arenu, bauljam ka kupatilu. Ne palim rasvetu. Stuštim se na šolju. Prvi mlaz je pravo olakšanje. Gole žene gledaju me sa korica naslaganih magazina. Toaletska literatura. Istegnem se da dohvatim prvi sa gomile. Naslovi se lelujaju, a paragrafi trepere. Sneno prepoznajem zavodljiva tela sa fotografija. Neke devojke poznajem lično, druge samo iz redovnog prelistavanja zbirke časopisa.

Oh, konačno evo i govneta. Dugačko i čvrsto. Nikome još nisam otkrio da volim osećaj kad mi snažnan kenj izmasira čmar. Ne volim šiljata sranja, ni one kašaste prilike kad iz mene lije kao iz betonjerke.

Ustajem, puštam vodu i perem ruke. Operem zube, da sastružem skramu cigareta i alkohola od sinoć. Želim da se vratim u postelju. Zato se ne umivam, samo iščačkam krmelje.

Ulazim u hladan hodnik. Odakle promaja? Vrata su odškrinuta. Proverim bravu, zadaje mi nevolje u poslednje vreme. Škljoca, otvara se i zatvara. Priđem i zaključam ih. Okrenem se ka spavaćoj sobi i ukopam se.

Na kraju hodnika stoji crni panter. Žute oči i beli zubi bleskaju iz tmine. Ispod sjajne kratke dlake migolje se mišići. Zamrzle mi se misli. Zver se baci na mene ispruživši sivkaste kandže.

Budim se iz košmara.

Drhtim. Posteljina se zalepila za mene, zgužvani frotir sklupčan u uglu kao prebijena lapurda. Krevet me ispljune. Jedva stojim, hvatam se za dovratak. Tražim spas u kupatilu. Odavno je svanulo vrelo letnje jutro. Umivam se, ribam zube, čistim uši.

- Jebem ti! Opet panterski san – psujem sam za sebe.

To je samo posledica stresa. Unapređenje je donelo pritisak u ionako prebrz ritam tvog života. Crni panter predstavlja tvoje strahove od prepreka sa kojima se suočavaš na poslu.

- To sam znao i bez nje! – ljutim se na svoju terapeutkinju.

Osim toga, ti si u godinama kada muškarac doživljava preobražaj svog identiteta. Živiš sam, tvoj ego se bori između potrebe za divljom slobodom libida i dužnosti prema društvenoj normi.

- Jes' kurac, ovo je nešto drugo!

Ogledam se. Mnogo sam zgodan, čak i ovako neobrijan. Muževne crte lica, čvrst pogled čeličnoplavih očiju, moderna kratka frizura, pravi sam ubermensch. Možda sam ja taj crni panter. Dižem ruke kao za borbu, kezim se na odraz u ogledalu.

- Grrrroar! – režim na sebe.

Divim se svojim mišićima. Volim to što nisam ni previše krupan, ni previše mršav. Idealne proporcije, dušo. Mogao sam još da radim, ali istisnuli su me mlađi. Spuštam peškir na rub kade. Možda je doktorka u pravu...

Svež i okupan, spreman sam za novi dan. Doručkujem ovsene pahuljice i jaku kafu. Pakujem laptop i užinu u aktovku. Oblačim crno odelo sa belom košuljom bez kravate i kožne cipele. U hodniku se još jednom pogledam u ogledalu, doteram frizuru i odlazim.

Vraćam se u stan izgužvan od užurbanog dana. Zatvaram vrata od spavaće sobe da ne gledam razbarušenu posteljinu i ulazim u dnevnu sobu. Prolazim pored police krcate knjigama. Ispraznim džepove, ostavljam ključeve od kola, sitniš, papiriće. U prolazu do kuhinje, na jednom stoliću ostavljam knjigu, poster i DVD, a na drugom laptop. Ne želim da me posao pregazi, te sam odlučio da se večeras zabavim. Skinem gornji deo odela i zasučem rukave. Perem sudove od doručka i stavljam paketić gotove hrane u mikrotalasnu. Zviždućem, zadovoljan kako sam preuredio sobu. Iako je pod kosim krovom, izgleda prostrano i toplo, nameštaj je od svetlog drveta. U uglu pored televizora je svetljika iznad udobne fotelje, sa druge strane, uz trosed je škrinja. Ponosim se na to što stan nije momački. Osim spavaće sobe u kojoj se rvem sa snovima, sve je čisto i uredno. Moji prijatelji mahom žive po jebarnicima prepunim kiča.

Ručak kusam na šanku koji deli kuhinju i dnevnu sobu. Pažljivo da ne umastim stranice, listam knjigu. Volim istorijske teme. Već sam progutao celog Herodota, pa sam kupio 'Gates of Fire', Stivena Presfilda. Jasno mi je da je to jeftin roman holivudskog pisca, ali nikako da se zasitim štiva o bici u Termopilskom klancu. Doneo sam i film, a poster ću staviti u spavaću sobu, preko puta uzglavlja. S knjigom u ruci odlazim do frižidera po hladan sok i čitajući dovršim obrok. Odvajam se od romana tek kada sam morao u kupatilo. Presvukao sam se.

Stavljam film u prorez kućnog bioskopa i zavalim se na sredini troseda. Sa svih strana ravnomerno dopire muzika, počinje obrada kultnog Milerovog stripa '300'.

Vrelo leto na Peloponezu. Nebo je zastrto sivkastim pramenovima. Povetarac njiše žito. Klasje me golica po bedrima. Sutra će se podići oluja. Naslonjen na koplje posmatram agelai – čopor klinaca. Dolaze stazom što krivuda između terasa. Hvališu se, zavijaju. Predvodi ih Leander. Obojica smo završili obuku i u isto vreme prešli u eiren – mladiće. Samo što on juče bio lukaviji, pa danas obučava dečake, dok ja stražarim na suncu.

- Hej, Likanore! Vučiji sine! – zadirkivao me je.

Mahnuo sam teškim kopljem - dori. Naspram crne kose koja se ravno spuštala niz gola leđa i suncem oprljene kože, Leandrov osmeh belasao se kao pena na vrhu talasa. Išli smo bosi cele godine i nosili samo tuniku kao što je i priličilo mladićima. Video sam njegovo telo nebrojeno puta, jednako snažno i čvrsto kao moje. Dokazao sam da nisam lošiji borac od njega, sukobili smo se onoliko puta. Iz našeg čopora nikog još nisu pozvali u tajno društvo – kripteju. Nastradali su oni koji su obećavali. Miron i Fotis poginuli su prošle zime u lovu. Hermokrata je pogodilo koplje tokom vežbe, Alkimaja je pokosila bolest, a Filandar je izdahnuo dok su ga kažnjavali. Palica je pogodila deo kičme tako da su mu se noge oduzele. Timon, njegov ljubavnik – eispnelos, prekratio mu je muke. Premda ni Leandru ni meni udvarači još nisu prilazili, slutio sam da će samo jedan stupiti u kripteju. Sneveselio sam se na pomisao da ću morati da ga ubijem.

- Ja ću tebe ubiti! – zarežao je glas iza mene.

Okrenuo sam se i podigao koplje. Iz klasja je skočila senka zveri. Uperio sam dori u protivnika, ali mi je velika mačka prvim udarcem izbila oružje. Klečao sam, goloruk naspram crnog pantera.

- E sad je stvarno dosta! – dreknuo sam i ustao .

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