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ORK-PROJA

Prvo pominjanje proje nalazimo u naređenjima ratovođe Ur-Agariša. Izvorna uredba izgubljena je u vremenu, ali ostala je izreka: "Ko projuri proju i skiseli se na kupus, pavlaku mu za vrat!"

Osnova svake dobre proje jeste kokuruzno brašno. Gaje ga džinovi u Kokuznim brdima. Divove možete ponuditi brljom, a kad se zapiju maznuti im kokuruz. Sama stabla takođe su gorostasna, pa će vam biti neophodna pomoć iskusnih goblinskih drvoseča. Nemojte se glavom šaliti da bojnom sekirom krenete na kokuruz. Tako je Bargrazd Nestrpljivi udario na kokuruz i stigao ga peh jer je poginuo već u sledećoj bici. Od omanje šume dobija se osamdeset sedam džakova i tri četvrtine. Zrnevlje odnesite goblinskim kovačima, neka ga mrve čekićima godinu i mesec i po dana, pa potom na fino mlevenje kod Gribija Milera, zvanog Mile. Nadaleko je čuven po žrvnjima koji su sitnili dragulje za nanogvicu kraljice Bubuljagije Prve.

Prava ork-proja najbolja je sa uvrelim paukovim uljem koje nabavljate od pećinskih goblina. Šamanima nipošto nemojte plaćati, već se zakunite na Vaaaga da ćete im za dva-tri bureta ulja ostati dužni kakvu uslugu. Ne bojte se, šamani se prejedaju ludih gljiva, pa ako se ikad i opsete da ste im dužnik, njihove umolnice uglavnom se lako ispunjavaju. 

So dobijate iz kamena, u slanim pećinama. Posetite ih čak i ako vam ne treba so za proju. Izuzetno su lekovite i dobre za sinuse, a pomažu i protiv mamurluka.

Neophodno vam je i desetak burića kisele vode. Možete je kiseliti ribanim goblinskim čukljevima, ali najbolja je izvorska voda iz vulkanskih planina.

Poslednji i najvažniji sastojak jeste prašak za pecivo. Ovaj prah bez ukusa i mirisa prave čarobnjaci od kristalizovanog prdeža šumskih nimfi. No, kako gospojice nimfe gotovo uopšte i ne prde, a čarobnjaci retko kad drže prašak na lageru, morate pribeći lukavstvu. Od goblina pribavite džak gljiva poprdara, te ih dobro osušite i sameljite. Mlevenu poprdaru sunite u izvorsku vodu. Kad nimfe dođu na pojilo, uhvatite ih mrežicom za zmajeve. Trk kod čarobnjaka dok se nimfama stomačići ne naduju. Čak će i najzlovoljniji volšebnik pristati da vam napravi prašak za pecivo. Matori perverznjaci jedva čekaju da spuste šape na nešto žensko, pa makar to bile i nimfe jedva veće od palca. Kad izmuzu prdeže i kristališu šaku i po praška za pecivo, spremni ste za pravljenje ork-proje.
U bazen dovoljno dubok da u njega stane planinski trol i dovoljno dugačak da se u njemu ispruži div, sunite kokuruzno brašno. Izlijte ulje i malo promešajte. Uspite vodu i posolite je.

E sad.

Uposlite četu goblina da vesla lopatama duž svih ivica bazena. Sastojke je neophodno dobro izmešati. Pošto masa postane žitka kao živo blato, pospite je praškom. Mešajte dok se prašak za pecivo potpuno ne upije. Ispod bazena iskopajte lagum i potpalite vatricu. Neka gori neprestano dve nedelje i još koji dan. Ostavite proju da se ohladi dovoljno da je možete seći na krupne komade i natovariti na zaprežna kola.

Proju služite uz kiseli kupus i pavlaku ili kakav drugi specijalitet koji ište 'leba. Mnogi mladi kuvari žale mi se da im je ovaj recept suv i da im se proja posle dvadesetak dana skameni. Okamenjenu proju rascepite klinovima i secite testerom na klocne koje možete iskoristiti kao municiju za katapult. Krupnije sečena proja odlična je građa za privremena utvrđenja i redute. Setićemo se slavne opsade Karak Varna kada je južni zid patuljačkog utvrđenja oboren baražom projine đuladi ili Guzgorovog poslednjeg uporišta kad je slavno izginuo sa pratiocima na barikadi od proje.

Ukoliko gostite kralja ili druge velmože, predlažem vam da u proju dodate dve stotine pedeset jaja raznih ptica, bure i po magarećeg jogurta i desetak kaca jakovog sira. Ovako obogaćena proja naziva se – projara. 

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